Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I hope you are well. I mean it. I really mean it. I am very worried about your health. Let’s face it. You’re obese. You’re morbidly obese. Your BMI must be so far off the chart we will need Rudolph’s nose to find it. Those rosy cheeks have me worried. Have you had your blood pressure taken lately? Have your arteries been X-rayed, MRI’ed or scanned? We can’t have you getting a stroke in the next few weeks. There will be a lot of very pissed off kids out there – this one included. Perhaps you could ease off on the Egg Nog just for a bit? The last thing your tailor wants to be doing is letting out your suit on Christmas Eve. Even he or she deserves a night off.

Speaking of your suit, I heard that the only reason you wear that red suit is because it is the only garment you own that fits. Is that true? Please do not lie; your stomach will grow even further! But why red? Most overweight people do not like to call attention to them. And let’s face it; the black belt is not making you look any slimmer. Nice attempt, but it didn’t work. Perhaps something in a black or dark blue suit is more appropriate? Does the North Pole have a Big and Fat clothing store? Maybe you should take a walk over there? Or a jog? No, make it a walk. Your exercise program should be gradual. Get a good pair of shoes. Oh, silly me. Give yourself a good pair of walking shoes.

And speaking of walking…….Perhaps this year you could walk from house to house every so often. It really would be good for you and I am sure the reindeer would appreciate a load off their shoulders for a little while. You really do look quite lazy riding the sleigh from house to house; especially when the houses are about 50 feet apart. You’re just adding to the awful stereotyping regarding overweight people. Let people see you’re doing something about your weight. Take some time to enjoy the holiday decorations. Increase your cardiovascular strength. Release some endorphins. A nice walk in the fresh air is just the thing to get rid of the stress of the evening. What do you think?


Now when you get to my house don’t bother looking for a treat. I am not leaving you cookies this year. You don’t need them. You’re fat enough. There will be milk however; skim milk. Drink it. I know I will probably be the only house that does not give you cookies, but I believe that one person can make a difference. I am going to be that person. I’m going to do my part to keep you alive. I want you to come back in 2007. I am also going to leave you a copy of the book and audio program, Yes, You’re Fat! I Like You Anyway. Please spend some time with these gifts in the New Year. The reviews have been great.

So here is what I want for Christmas Santa – for you to get skinny; for you to care about your health; for you to get that BMI down to a level that is safe and healthy; and for you to start to incorporate some kind of an exercise routine into your day. Just don’t go anorexic on me, okay. That is all I want. No list this year. Just surprise me with anything all the ungrateful kids don’t want.

Santa, you have no idea what you put me through every year. Do you know what I do first thing on Christmas morning? While most kids are tearing apart packages, I turn on the TV and the radio; just to make sure that somewhere in the world you are not being rescued from a chimney that was just a wee bit too small. I want to be like every other normal child out there and wake up and begin the tearing of paper. You can change this for me! Will you?

Oh well, you have my thoughts. You have my ideas. And you have my wishes. The rest is up to you.

Hi to Mrs. Claus.

Don’t forget to eat at least five servings of fruits and veggies today!

Iran Continues To Star As The Mouse That Roared

Hardly a day goes by that we don’t hear diminutive Iran roar like a lion about its nuclear ambitions. Or growl about its mighty power by launching yet another flight of missiles. Yet among the world’s most powerful nations Iran remains inarguably diminutive. So, regardless of all the bluster, it can never be more than the mouse that roared. The powers that be can observe and even indulge Iran, but they know quite well that the mouse better behave itself, because they can always give in a backhand and send it sprawling across the floor and scurrying back into its hole. Are we attempting to make fun of the descendants of the Darius? No. We have a more considerate goal. Our intention is to reveal that the efforts of its leaders to brandish weapons and pretend to be a superpower are unwisely conceived. They hope to be what, due to their nation’s size and resources, they can never be. Far better to spend their national treasure on the prosperity of their citizens, instead of on nuclear armaments that, at their most dangerous, certify them as a possible target for a nuclear attack. And far more productive to join the family of nations as a peaceful and prosperous member than to bellow impossibilities. But these hopes may be too revolutionary, at least, for now. So we have to settle for the most that’s likely. If the little nation will just stop roaring, the powers that be have shown plenty of willingness to throw it some cheese and let it nibble away in peace.

The High Blood Pressure Joke

Dr Bob the Health Builder

The High Blood Pressure Joke

We all know high blood pressure is not funny, particularly when you get the bill and the side effects that come with ALL the prescriptions. Even if you have health insurance paying the immediate bills, you are still paying for the drugs – either through less pay or working at a job you hate but took for the “benefits”.
All drugs are toxic and they are not designed to “cure” your health problem. They are designed to put money into the drug manufacture’s pockets and keep you hooked for the rest of your life.
HPB is almost 100% preventable and/or curable but you have to obtain the secrets from someone other than a drug company or their representatives.
Linus Pauling reported years ago that all disease is related to the lack of trace minerals in the food we eat. In fact, there are almost no trace minerals in any food today unless the food is of organic nature.
There is a great website, www.prestigepublishing.com created by Dr Sherry Rogers MD. Her most recent book is called “The High Blood Pressure Hoax”. The point of her book is about the cause of high blood pressure & treatment.
HBP is mainly caused by trace mineral shortage of Magnesium.
Usually a patient’s doctor will prescribe a diuretic (first) to treat HBP. By eliminating water in your system, BP decreases but so does trace minerals, magnesium and potassium (Eating bananas will replace some potassium.) When magnesium declines in the body, BP also increases.
After a while, diuretics stop working and your doctor adds other medications.
Most health problems will disappear if you supplement with trace minerals, beneficial fatty acids, and eat/ grow healthy foods.



Six Natural Ways to Decrease Your BP:
1. Lower your insulin levels. Eliminate sugars, potatoes and grains. Grains are not healthy even the organic because they break down into sugars and the excess is stored as fat.
2. Exercise. If done regularly and in moderation (whatever the activity), helps controls HBP.
3. Obtain your ideal weight. Loosing weight can improve your BP and if you couple that with elimination of sugar, add exercise; you will be on your way to a healthier you.
4. Sunlight. Vitamin D is useful in normalizing HBP. Dermatologists have warned people that sunlight is dangerous and this is not true. We have reached a level of disease caused by the lack of vitamin D from absence of sunlight. Skin cancer is caused by Omega VI’s and sunlight. If you equalize Omega III and Omega VI to a 1 on 1 ratio (the ratio today is 1 to 25 to 1 to 50 because of hydrogenated vegetable oils) the risk of skin cancer almost disappears. Latest evidence shows sun blocks are causing skin cancer, particularly in the young.
5. Reduce stress. Placebos will lower your BP.
6. Add trace minerals. Make sure that you are taking a full compliment of trace minerals that are phyto (plant) derived.
Grocery stores are retailers of “fillers” not healthy food. Shortly, I will have my “Healthy Farmer” book available in e-book format. You may not want to raise a garden or farm the soil but it will offer you a way to learn about healthy food and will educate you on questions you need to ask your grocery supplier. Remember, an alternative solution to controlling HPB is healthy foods & supplements.

BBEE SSMAAAARTERRR

Tips On Working Smarter

Report this article if you suspect it is not original content, is in violation of our Editorial Guidelines or our Author's Terms of Service.When you move up the management ladder remember, more is expected of you. Many folk take on the "junkyard dog" personality: they don't do much but sit around and growl. Unless you're guarding twenty year-old rusted out Citations, this probably won't work well.
Here are some tips and observations for your consideration.
1. KNOW WHAT YOUR NEW JOB ENTAILSLook around you. Research. Has this job ever been successfully done by anyone on the Planet Earth in modern time? If the answer is "no", get out..get out now. Some jobs float in the want-ads, month after month, year after year. Your firm may be incompetent, incorrigible or worse. However, if there has been success, even sporadic success, you may want to stay on.
Know what is expected of you on your job? Research, study, ask questions, take notes, keep a notebook. He or she who you relieved may be of help. Ignorance is really not as bad as stupidity. With perserverence and work you can move from the delightful promotion to competence.
2. MAINTAIN A MONTHLY TICKLER FILESet up a file your desk drawer (not the assistants), make a folder for each month. Keep all communications, letters, complaints, meeting notes, etc. in the file. This is above the paperwork that is required to be filed each month in other places.
If you can set such a system up in your computer, go ahead. Just make sure that the info can easily be retrieved.
3. MEETING SCHEDULE, APPOINTMENTS AND THE LIKEIf you have one of those big desk table calendars, that will do the trick. Mark down the appointments in the blocks of the month when the meeting occurs. That way, you don't have to go into the computer to see if you have an afternoon meeting..all you have to do is move your doughnut!
4. WORKING SMARTERA lot of people work late. I guess that it's to impress their boss. I've found, in my opinion, that working late sucks and really doesn't get much done for you or the company. Let's face it, you're burned out by 5 p.m. How much meaningful stuff are you going to get done by 10 p.m.
If you can and if the company will let you in-WORK EARLY!
You probably will get more done from 6 a.m. until 8 p.m. than you would in an eight hour day. The phone is not ringing, the boss is not bugging you about the report that was due yesterday and you are not distracted by the talking of others. Try it-you might like it.
5. TREAT ALL WITH DIGNITY AND RESPECTJokes, cuts, barbs about other people are best reserved for Bubba's Bar when you are unemployed. These indiscretions often come back and bite you. Besides, such talk is below you. You are, probably, an honorable person. Additionally, racist, sexist and ethnic slurs just don't cut it in the workplace today.
Remember, you are what you mete!

LAAAUUGGHTTTTT

Laugh and the Work World Laughs With You


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Many of today's work environments are rife with moody bosses and co-workers, repetitive tasks and unpredictable market pressures. Stress abounds. Managers often tell me they can’t afford the time or cost for my humor workshops; how can they afford not to address workplace stress.We know clinically that laughter and play have medicinal qualities, offering physical, psychological and physiological benefits as well. In the workplace, humor and fun can increase productivity, encourage creativity, enhance team building, and thus improve esprit de corps.While we may not be able to control everything that happens to us in our jobs and work environments, we do have control over how we choose to react. I coach others how to create an environment which is safe and friendly, and use humor to help maintain a healthy balance between the pressure and seriousness which comes from high stakes jobs and a competitive marketplace. Remember that humor starts from within. Being able to laugh at your own foibles goes a long way toward creating a healthy work climate in which to flourish. The following are activities and strategies for you as individuals, workgroups and managers. Be creative and use these ideas to stimulate your own remedies to workplace stress.- Adorn your work area with cartoons, headlines or funny photos which bring a smile to your face and visiting co-workers'. Whether you're surrounded by your favorite Pez dispensers childhood, or wry cartoons that speak to your tastes, let your work area comfort and humor you while taking some of the edge off the standard office decor.- Tap a co-worker to be your humor-partner. Bring a daily joke to share. Commiserate about funny workplace events. Keep each other buoyed with good cheer. When the chips are down your humor partner can chip away at your depression, and vice versa.- Don't think cubicles limit your humor options. I've seen shower curtains, umbrellas and other devices used effectively to set a light or semi-serious tone. For some, creativity flourishes behind their cubicle's shower curtain. People tampering with your work area? Don't get angry…protect it with yellow "Crime Scene" tape!- Subscribe to a humor website to be e-mailed a free daily or weekly humorous story, joke and anecdote. Sites such as www.netfunny.com/rhf/ or www.oraclehumor.com/ are two examples.Are You Laughin' At Me? One manager, known for his moodiness, acknowledged it with a "Mood-O-Meter" outside his door. Both he and his employees took turns forecasting his mood: from fire-breathing to variable clouds to periodic eruptions…proceed at your own risk. Don't underestimate the power of self-effacing humor for making yourself more accessible and liked.Room for Laughter. Some companies designate a room, work area or corner of their office as a romper room, where frolicking and silliness is allowed. Whether yours has a punching bag, games, a dartboard or foosball, it's a room for letting off steam and taking a break from the grind.Whine Not. Everyone loathes whiners yet we all need to blow off steam periodically. One group of creative trainers and their manager decreed Thursdays to be effective whining days. They self-policed themselves the rest of the week, making sure not to whine. Yet even their Thursday gripes had a departmental sanction and somehow seemed healthier. After all, they belly ached together. A ripple effect actually improved the morale of departments adjacent to theirs!Meting Out Humor. Many professionals approach meetings with trepidation. A dash of humor can make a difference. For regular meetings earmark one or two minutes each meeting for a humorous interlude. In one workgroup a "humor hand" rotates from meeting to meeting. Employees take turns setting a lighter tone to the meeting, insuring everybody is engaged. An anecdote, verbal or physical activity focuses the group on the task at hand and brings colleagues together in a spirit of fun.When not to use Humor. Not all humor is good humor. Humor that hurts, ostracizes or is cruel will have a detrimental effect on others and you. Strive for humor that is inclusive, creative and captures our human essence. By now you know that sexist, racist, ageist jokes and crude humor are not only inappropriate, but can lead to sanctions, termination or even lawsuits. Be sensitive when telling jokes involving terminations, reductions in force (RIFs) and personal tragedies. Their hurt can linger long after the fact. . When in doubt…leave it out!Appropriate humor can make hard tasks easier, collaborations fun and certainly make workdays go faster. Laugh, and the work world laughs with you!
Since the age of eleven when he went door-to-door selling Used Jokes, Craig Harrison has been connecting with customers through humor. As a professional speaker and corporate trainer Craig Harrison's Expressions of Excellence provides sales and service solutions through speaking.